and next time when you feel me up, do it right
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize