I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
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