i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
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We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
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preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.