the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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