At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize