I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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