I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I stole a fireplace last night.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize