White coat. Heels.
matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
