It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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