So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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