It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Randomize
