I wish my penis had an off switch
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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