Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Holy sore nipples Batman
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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