Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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