Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
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