Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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