I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
