My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
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I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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