note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
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