What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
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