They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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