I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize
