please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
