I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
