Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
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