I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
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