I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize