Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
my sisters under your porch take her home
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
