i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
