I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
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