glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
