put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
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