you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
