I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
you inspire me to be a worse person
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize
