I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
