Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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