Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
