Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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