im about as happy as oj after his trial
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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