can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
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