Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
