I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
so much tequila, so little girl.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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