my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
It's blow job season.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
