I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
