I looked at my own cervix.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
You can't just leave with hair like that
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
