Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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