I hate all girls vehemently.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
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