I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I could make wine with my vomit
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
