Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
