Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
