We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Randomize
