I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
The best revenge is premature balding
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize