Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
