she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
