I can tuck mytits in my pants
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
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