i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
There are leaves in my underwear?
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
