Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Randomize
