This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
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