porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
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