bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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